i should get out more...

This should be a blog about music stuff I'm looking forward to, but first there's a little something I need to get off my chest. I don't know about you but if I had a chance to appear on the hate-stuff show 'Room 101,' top of my list of things to put in would probably be wedding photos (after Brendan O'Connor, Eurospar and the Knorr Vie ad with all those dildos singing on the street). By wedding photos I don't mean the cute old shot on the mantelpiece of mum and dad on their special day. Naw, I mean the modern version, which isn't just a few shots, its a deluxe vellum box of the fuckin' things. Its a blockbusting modern-Irish torrent of tack that will set you back about three grand. The 'set' consists of about 40 hideous snaps of gurning boggers dressed in full white-tie regalia in fields, in front of castles and on windswept Wicklow beaches. Its often tastefully shot through lenses smeared with vaseline to take the edge off the chin that poor Dymphna inherited from the Reilly side of the clan. Classic shots include such marvels as Declan 'candidly' squeezing Dymphna's orange knockers like he has her in the heimlich maneuver in front of the twinkling Shannon- her dress photoshopped into an eerie virginal glow that defies the laws of Daz and mystically leaks a good three inches clear of the sturdy contours of her body. And who can forget Declan and the best man 'candidly' wrestling in front of a Celtic cross in perfect focus, while blurry bridesmaids look on from the dreamy brink of the vaseline fog. Gah! In case you think I'm going mad, I'm not. Its just that people floating around my professional life seem to be getting married a lot recently. And they sometimes come into lunch hour showing off the photos. When they do, its all I can manage to keep my jaw from falling off at the grotesqueness on display. I think wow, these people have actually paid three thousand quid to turn their special lifelong bond into a Daniel O'Donnell calendar. But then again, they are normally the sort of people who get excited about bathroom tiling and religiously watch the Wednesday night movie on RTE1. Even when it is Norbit.


Maura and John Paul ran into their romantic future of mortgage repayments and pinewood decking.

Right-o, gigs. Cabin fever has well and truly set in and I can't wait to start going to the odd gig or two this spring. There is a lot of really cool electronic shit on the agenda thanks to remedy @ spy who have a colossal series of gigs and DJ sets in the offing, which in terms of quality are the ravey mirror image of the avalanche of indie Foggy Notions brought our way last December. I'm most looking forward to German techno genius Michael Mayer who is playing Spy on March 16th. Apparently he'll be on the decks for a full five hours. Now thats one seriously mental start to the bank holiday. And anyone familiar with his seminal mix CD 'immer' will know that Michael Mayer can bang out some deep and delirious shit. Five hours of it will make this one of the DJ sets of the year.

MP3: Ada-Maps (Michael Mayer and Tobias Thomas mix)

3 hours into Michael Mayer's set, Kevin's head began to act strangely.

Oh, and on the indie end of things, I'm treating the news that Animal Collective are returning to tripod this May with trepidation. I hyped the last visit up to be the second coming, and erm, it wasn't, thanks to a throat infection and the band being a bit disingenuous by keeping that information from the confuddled masses until the end of the set. But I fuckin' love 'em, and if they bring those blinding neon rectangles back and play 'grass' and 'fireworks' it would make my year. And finally, I'm looking forward Ham Sandwich's album launch for 'Carry the Meek' in Whelan's on February 23rd. Apart from loving their gigs because they are a ballsy riot of a band live, I have an interest in their success because the bearded creature who half-fronts the band is one of my oldest friends (right back to when we played with Mask figures in his utility room). I wish them every success in their quest for world domination!