seagulls and a new album

Seagull shit is an offensive substance. I'd say it ranks somewhere between bin-juice and the congealed pus in an old man's dentures in terms of its offensiveness. Considering that the aforementioned bin-juice is part of your average seagull's diet, along with fish mulch, it's no wonder their poop is so vile. They also have larger bowels than the more benign birds in the Irish environment. When seagulls decide to loosen their guts people know about it. A typical gull shit is a greenish-white, 11-inch streak of putrefied haddock dropped from a height. Not pleasant.


did you just spill my facking pint mate?

Gulls are bad ass fuckers when compared to other birds. Only recently, I found out that pissed off gulls are liable to use their shit as a weapon. A few weeks ago I spent a sunny afternoon in my mate Frank's top-floor apartment in the city centre. Apparently, gulls like the city because there's lots of shit in bins for them to feed on so they are increasingly nesting inland. Anyway, on this particular day, the sun was belting on the Dublin rooftops as we supped fruit juice and listened to tunes. So we swung the patio doors open to let the weather in around us. Frank was barely out on the patio, when there it was, the screaming gull. It came wheeling in from nowhere, talons out, its beak open at a frenzied angle that made it look like a mad little man with wings. It swooped straight for Frank and with remarkable accuracy dropped a bullet of shit on him. My gast was well and truly flabbered by this. I wanted to know if it was a one off? Like a gull gone postal after getting pissed of by humans one time too many? But apparently not. The fucker attacked Frank many times before this incident, once going for his hair, often sniping him out with streaks of such quantities of offensive shit you could half-fill cups with them. Now I'm worried about gulls. I'm googling them and finding out things I really don't want to know. For example, an old woman in Australia died after a gull went apeshit and left her in a heap on the pavement bleeding to death from "deep beak puncture wounds". Gulls eh? Bad fuckers of the avian world. I'm now interested in training one up, feeding him bin juice for a week and sending him after the fat controller in Bus Aras to avenge what happened there last week.

Music news. MP3Hugger is doing something great. He just released a downloadable album of 10 unsigned acts who caught his eye recently, with all proceeds from the download going to the acts. It's the same price as a daycent bag of Pic'n'Mix and about as varied. There's something there for everyone. Download it Here.

This is the taster MP3 from the album Indiecater Volume 1

MP3: Cymbals eat Guitars-Share