seriously tripping baws dudes

This time last year, I was a fixture in Whelans most weekends; checking out whatever trendsetters crossed the Atlantic with more than an 8.0 from Pitchfork and the Foggy Notions seal of approval. In September 2009, however, things are sadly different. This state of affairs exists on account of me being under house arrest until I submit my monster thesis which is currently 50,000 words and counting.

From a live music perspective then, this blog is limited to what I can cover. In other words, as much as I would like to see Dinosaur Jr. tear county Carlow a new bum-star, I won't be able to go to the Electric Picnic this year.

I'll have to settle with the Kells live music scene for the moment.

Musically, summer 2009 was bleak in Kells. We were visited by many bands with names like 'Smooch', 'Who's who', 'The rhythm boys' and err, 'Aslan'. Also, there were a few rebel bands with names like 'Tara Shamrock' and some Country Nites too - where various Philomenas, Declans and Marys crooned out anemic interpretations of real country music to maudlin family men who cry at Christmas. Rough stuff.

All that's about to change though. For Real. This Autumn, Kells shall host its own version of Britain's got Talent. It will be called Kells's got Talent (also known as Kellsesesiz's goh taahlent). 'Kells's', 'Kells'es', 'Kellziziziz'? - try saying it five times, and you'll quickly discover that the town wasn't named with the possessive case in mind.


During sixth class 'Gilly' pulled a few crafty handstands atop this imposing place - the handball ally behind my primary school. Oh Youtube where were you in '92?

Back to Kells's got Talent. It will start on the 12th of September, and will take place in the Saint Vincent De Paul hall. It will be open to people aged between nine and ninety, run throughout Autumn, and reward the winner with five grand*. Yep. Five thousand euros. It is a serious prize, and one that will draw a lot of Kellsians, be they talented or otherwise, out of the woodwork - and probably some chancers down from the North too. The Cunts.


As we all know, for every '_____ has got talent' there is a '______ Factor' lurking in the wings. For every Susan Boyle, there is a Chico; for every Ham Sandwich, there is a band called Turn. So it's no surprise that there is a rival Kells competition looming in the shadows. That's right, this autumn, the total talent show prize money sloshing around my home town will be ten grand. Yikes on bikes.

Our late license bar, 'the Kelltic', is not the type of place to be outdone by a selfess Catholic charity for impoverished families. So it is standing up for itself and putting on a rival talent show with another five thousand euro prize. This will be called, (did you guess wot it iz yet?), 'Kelltic's Got Talent'.

What can we make of all this?

A: if you are talented and live in Kells, then lucky you.

B: Because I won't be able to make it to electric picnic or grizzly bear or any of that, I'll post regular and detailed updates from both competitions.

C: In the year 2000 I witnessed a good friend of mine** take part in a talent competition in the Kelltic with a killer Jarvis Cocker number, only to get absolutely robbed by the most frightful, skull-shattering rendition of a Mariah Carey*** song I ever heard.

Here are two MP3s of what I am listening to right now (semi-ambient, post rocky stuff which is conducive to writing science).


MP3: Tape-A Spire

MP3: Mountains-Telescope

Mountains will be playing the DEAF festival in Dublin, and I figure they will be a revelation. On their new record, 'Choral', they construct a canvas of ambience which incorporates acoustic guitar sketches and gamelan/raga type patterns. The vaguely familiar rickety, folksy, guitar lines (to my rubber ear anyway) stretch, creak and are given room to grow comfy. Indeed, the languid opening chords of 'telescope' recall Neutral Milk Hotel.

All this summery strummery happens before larger, more epic, and slowly moving sheets of static, fuzz, raindrops and drone form like weather systems above. The resultant noises, which could fill skies, creep over the skeletal guitars and, in some cases come close to obliterating them entirely amidst the drifting storms of drone and static. Yet nothing is ever completely wiped out. That is not to say the original melodies survive perfectly either, but rather peter out prettily, vaguely, and sinking into dissonance.

Mountains are playing the DEAF festival, and should be a great proposition, seeing as a lot of this stuff is worked out live. 'Telescope', above, is easily a track of the year for me. And the album 'Choral' has only 'Fuck Buttons' to beat in my usual post-rock race to the prize (a golden apple butt this year).

*maybe not five grand. refer to comments section
**member of Ham Sandwich in pre-Ham Sandwich format.
***possibly Meatloaf in case somebody reads this and decides to sue me.